Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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