just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
