All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
please don't ironically join a cult
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