The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
