Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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