An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
