great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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