the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
