Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Boobs speak an international language.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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