eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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