Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
