I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
