zippers are such a cool invention
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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