i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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