I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
