I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
