Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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