So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
