so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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