i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
