I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
