i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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