well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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