I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
