it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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