I hope mine doesn't look like that
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
