just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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