You're so nebulous sometimes
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
