You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
The ass gains better be worth it
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