Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
