For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
