Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
