They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
