Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
