Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I cut my penus on the lid.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
