Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Randomize
