another moral hangover. fuck.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
