She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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