My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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