I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
