Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
