Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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