My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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