i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
