i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
