I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
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