I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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