I love black thongs
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
me + whiskey = a bad person
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
