Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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