i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
