This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
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