i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
