I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
well most of my day revolves around power hour
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
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