why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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