I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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