ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
