Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
