like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
