see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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