first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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