Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
