bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
