Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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