the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
