so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
